⚠️ Outstanding Balance Detected

WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

The world's first emotionally intelligent debt collection platform. We don't just want your money—we want your soul.

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Debts Collected
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Tears Shed
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Cars Repossessed
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Souls Owned
URGENT NOTICE: YOUR PAYMENT IS OVERDUE • WE'VE CONTACTED YOUR MOTHER • INTEREST RATES SPIKING • RUNNING IS FUTILE • WE ACCEPT CRYPTO, KIDNEYS, AND FIRSTBORN CHILDREN • URGENT NOTICE: YOUR PAYMENT IS OVERDUE • WE'VE CONTACTED YOUR MOTHER • INTEREST RATES SPIKING • RUNNING IS FUTILE • WE ACCEPT CRYPTO, KIDNEYS, AND FIRSTBORN CHILDREN •

Our Gentle Approach

Combining cutting-edge AI with old-fashioned intimidation techniques.

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24/7 Surveillance

Our patented "WhereAreYou™" technology tracks debtors across social media, grocery stores, and their mother's basement. We know you bought that latte.

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Emotional Blackmail

AI-generated guilt trips personalized with your childhood photos. "Remember when you were happy? Pay $247.50 to feel that way again."

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Ambient Shame

We broadcast your debt status to every Bluetooth speaker within 500 feet. Your coffee shop will know. Your gym will know. Your dog will judge you.

Debt Trauma Calculator™

$100 $1,000 $10,000
1 day 30 days 1 year
Current Interest Rate
69420%
APY (Absolutely Predatory Yield)
Total Due
$42,069

Success Stories Warnings

😰
Formerly Dave
Now "Asset #47291"

"They found me on vacation. In Peru. I don't remember booking a trip to Peru, but apparently I owe $847 for it now."

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Sarah K.
Professional Avoider

"Changed my number 4 times. They sent a singing telegram to my office. It was my mother singing about my student loans."

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Anonymous
On the Run

"Currently writing this from a bunker. They keep Venmo requesting me $0.01 with threatening emojis. Send help."

Ready to Settle?

Resistance is expensive. Compliance is merely costly.

By clicking, you agree to our Terms of Servitude™